Rule 1) Say "YES" to what resonates for you

Rule 2) Say "NO" to what does not align with your values

‍

Reflecting on these two simple, meaning uncomplicated, rules will help you move through the holidays more peacefully. I realize that they are not that "simple" especially with the expectations from family, friends, work, and children. Each area of our life has expectations. Prioritizing and honoring your heart does not mean that all will end in conflict.

‍

Honestly answering these two statements now, before the hustle and bustle begins, will be the most effective. Create the time to explore what boundaries you want/need to set, with whom and why. A simple way to do this is with paper and pencil.

‍

Make a list of what you want to do for the holidays.

Then what others want for and from you.

Attach feelings to those as well as past experiences that help you get clarity. Clarity helps with the guilt and blame cycle.

‍

Once you have decided what is best for you, you can pivot to determining the delivery of your message. Delivery is best done lovingly and firmly. Delivery is best started from the "I" perspective and ending with an alternative, an offer to have a win-win.

i,e.  Mom/Dad I will be out of town for some of the holidays this year. I would love to join you in...

‍

Expect pushback from others. Don't take it personal. When we start something new or shift our behavior, we are changing the rules for others. They need time to adjust. Get support. Call in your tribe, your community that hears and sees you. A loving community will help you with words and suggestions to honor your Self and still be with others. Be tolerant of others' focus while maintaining your own.

‍

Holidays are challenging times for adults, either wanting to please everyone or avoiding everyone. If you have specific events or experiences around the holidays, this is an important time to widen your support circle to include some professional guidance.

‍