Times are evolving for men. The stereotypes of men from the past: strong, silent types are shifting. More men are interested in engaging with their partners in meaningful ways and are more open to assuming and thriving in non-traditional roles. Where my father never changed a diaper, mostly because he was afraid to, men today are actively involved in parenting. So what are the needs and wants for the modern man? Here are 4 things that I hear repeatedly:

Want to be wanted. Men usually seek this in the form of a physical connection: sex. However, the physical connection is defined much broader these days. Physical touch in general is a grounding way to connect and men need this. It is the most common request I hear and the most misunderstood! Women hear sex and they roll their eyes. It is important to know how men’s minds work. Physical touch and intimacy is the way to a man’s heart, and that doesn’t necessarily mean just sex.

Want to be accepted. Many men have difficulty expressing their needs and wants verbally. There’s a ton of social and cultural baggage around this one! Yet at the core, men want to be accepted as they are. Many men can be redirected, though true change comes from within. In order for men to tap into that “within” it is important to feel recognized and praised for who they are now.

Want to be respected. Kindness and reframing suggestions from criticism to feedback can go a long way in creating a space of mutual respect. Active listening can help a man open up without the pressure of having to “have all the answers.” Appreciating who they are now and admiring them for what they are doing well is important. Listen. Ask him questions. Ask him for input.

Want some space. Wanting space and freedom is not a negative reflection of the relationship. Love with freedom is a concept that both sexes can share. Historically only men had the freedos to explore other activities. Allowing for space in a relationship: time with their friends, solo time for their hobbies/activities can increase attraction. When a man feels free to be and do himself, he is more often open to giving love with freedom in return. Trust underlies this so keeping lines of conversation open and fluid helps to create this.

These are just some of the more common requests and desires I hear from my male clients, both single and married. Careful with complacency and settling into a routine within your relationship that actually kills the flame!

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