To “gaslight” refers to the act of undermining another person’s reality by denying facts, the environment around them, or their feelings. They are manipulated to go against their logical minds and feelings and are stripped of their essence through confusion and outright lies. This situation generally comes out of a negative and unequal power dynamic in which one person has given the other more power or the need for approval is great.

Here's some things to consider, as you assess if you're experiencing gaslighting in your relationship:

• You often ask yourself, “Am I too sensitive?” 
• You often feel confused and even crazy in the relationship
• You're always apologizing
• You can't understand why you aren't happier
• You frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior
• You have trouble making simple decisions

Most of us have been gaslighted at some point in our lives. When left unexamined, gaslighting can have a devastating effect on physical, psychological and emotional well-being. In relationships, it can be particularly devastating as its effects can spill into all aspects of the couple’s life, including their children.

So how can we spot this toxicity? Here are some of the most common phrases used by a gaslighter:

• Stop acting crazy
• You’re being hysterical
• It’s no big deal
• There you go again, ungrateful
• You’re always so dramatic
• You’re overreacting

These statements tend to twist our reasoning and can create symptoms which can occur with anxiety disorders, depression, or low self-esteem. The difference with gaslighting is that there is another person that’s actively engaged in trying to make you second-guess what you know is true. If you don’t typically experience these feelings with other people but do with one particular individual, then you might be a victim of gaslighting. What to do in this case?

• Name the Problem. Recognizing what’s happening
• Sort truth from fiction. Journaling can help look at situations and determine more clearly your perspective from what you are being told
• Power struggling? If you have the same conversation repeatedly and can’t convince them of your viewpoint. Understanding your point of view does not mean agreeing.
• Feel all your feelings. Acknowledge and distinguish between your feelings. Using a tool like a Feelings Chart can help
• Give yourself permission to walk away. What tends to keep us in toxic relationships is the feelings of loss and disapproval
• Do a reality check. Use your friends or family and ask for truthful observations of you and your relationship 
• Remember you can’t control others' opinions. You may never convince them of your opinions. It will need to come from you!

It can be very difficult to pull yourself out of such a negative dynamic. However it is possible.

The key is having greater emotional awareness and self-management. As you get to know yourself better, you can spot these statements for what they are: attempts to control and manipulate. Thereby increasing your self-reliance and confidence. Gaslighting is not just sensitivity. Conflicts and disagreements are natural in relationships. The difference in gaslighting relationships is that only one person is listening and considering the other’s perspective, while the other is negating your perception and sense of reality.