A client came into therapy deep in her grieving process. She had been in a 7-year relationship and was about to marry, when her partner suddenly said he didn’t want to do “this anymore.” She literally had her wedding dress hanging in her closet door, ready to wear. She was devastated. She was angry. She felt betrayed and foolish.

As she told her story, she began to realize that she knew that there had been “red flags” throughout her relationship. Red flags that she had rationalized and decided to ignore. She had an adolescent daughter from a first marriage, so she felt like an even bigger failure not being able to role model good relationships for her daughter. The negative, self-blame loop was huge.

Therapy with this client was about tough love, about helping her recognize her role in the demise of the relationship and begin to use her voice in more beneficial ways. She resisted this idea at first, wanting to stay angry and resentful. It was a big turning point when she was able to acknowledge her role, yet not be defined by that. She was looking at herself with new eyes. Gently recognizing and then accepting her role led her to choosing her responses instead of continuing to be reactive in relationships. Forgiveness was a key part for her journey, for him, and more importantly for her Self.

She went through my 4 R’s framework to help restore her sense of Self and her ability to manage her emotions. Each part of the 4 R’s framework builds on the other in order to intentionally step back into the social world. The client was able to navigate several years of the dating world, allowing each date and/or relationship to be part of her learning curve. 3 years after stepping into my office, she has a more realistic view of the Cinderella myth and has found her partner.  She remarried, finished graduate school, and is living her best life!

This goes to show you that there can be a “happily ever after,” it just needs effort and commitment to learning new ways to be yourself within a relationship.

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