Infidelity is often defined as the breaking of the promise to be faithful to your romantic partner. The expectation of monogamy and exclusivity is usually a nonverbal one as many couples do not discuss all their expectations at the start of the relationship.
Infidelity is often defined as the breaking of the promise to be faithful to your romantic partner. The expectation of monogamy and exclusivity is usually a nonverbal one as many couples do not discuss all their expectations at the start of the relationship. The infatuation that tends to define the initial stage of connecting tends to focus on the “happy hormones.” These are part of the biology of “falling in love.” Yet, fidelity is a highly valued feature of relationships in our society. So when the changes that occur with the breaking of that promise begin, we may not notice them at first. And if these changes are not lovingly discussed, they can grow.
Whether an affair is discovered or disclosed, the fallout from that is usually one of disappointment, sadness and anger. And not necessarily in that order! In addition to the questions to the cheating partner, the unavoidable questions to the self can be overwhelming:
What did I do wrong? What’s wrong with me? Why did s/he feel the need to look somewhere else?
Often these questions and feelings will come in waves, strong and turbulent. Whether you stay or go in the relationship, these feelings will need to be addressed in order to truly move on.
Honoring all the feelings that present themselves during the initial phase will be helpful in determining the course of your journey. So today, I want to talk with you about the individual’s path on the road to recovery.
Here are a few helpful tips to self-manage disappointment:
Letting ourselves feel our feelings is healthy and empowering. Let the waves of disappointment wash over you, honor them, and they will flow out more easily. You’re not in a race to make a decision.
Is this really that bad? The loss of a relationship can be devastating and yet sometimes an affair can allow us to see what’s been missing in ourselves or in the relationship.
Your general state of anxiety and stress can increase your sensitivity, and with that comes the negative self-talk. Self-soothing with exercise, meditation, music, or any other activity will give you the space, and time, to begin to heal.
When you are ready, review your role in the relationship. How do you communicate? Can you fight fair? Owning your “piece” can help you move on.
Whether you stay or leave, the key to your future happiness lies in the decision to forgive. Forgiveness is not “forgetting” or “letting them off the hook.”
Forgiveness is the process of letting go of the pain caused by the violation of trust. Forgiveness is also crucial for you! The recognition that you are not to blame, even if you may have played a role in the deterioration of the relationship is a significant part of the healing process in the challenging journey that is returning from the turmoil of infidelity.
