Aside from the legitimate health concerns, it appears that those who work from home are burning the candle at both ends. They are trying to entertain their children, prepare exciting meals and get ready for back to school where some are already dreading the idea of taking on the ‘substitute teacher’ role at home.
“At first, I thought this shutdown would mean more time with my kids, but now it’s become too much time…”
“My kids are at home all the time now and it’s driving me crazy!”
“I know what I should do, but I don’t do it!”
These are just some of the thoughts running through the minds of working mothers, fathers and other caregivers over the last 5 months. They are having a really hard time during the pandemic. Aside from the legitimate health concerns, it appears that those who work from home are burning the candle at both ends. They are trying to entertain their children, prepare exciting meals and get ready for back to school where some are already dreading the idea of taking on the ‘substitute teacher’ role at home.
They are making these plans while at the same time trying to be fresh, on point, level headed and focused for video conference calls and strategy meetings – all this in the same physical space as their buzzing children.
It’s a lot. And it’s taking a toll on many, causing burnout, an intense exhaustion that hits us on all levels: emotional, physical, mental and spiritual.
When experiencing burnout, you might struggle to get up in the morning, to do “regular” household and work tasks. Constant fatigue and detachment can occur. You’ll see a noticeable change in your behavior. It’s a term more often used in work situations, however in these uncertain times filled with lack of control, unclear expectations and lack of physical, social support, it is a term that can be extended to all areas of our lives.
Parental Burnout can include all the above and shows up as emotional detachment from our kids, irritability, anxiety or excessive worry and then the inevitable guilt and shame. Never have parents been so alone in parenting... the shut in has cut parents off from their regular sources of physical and emotional support: grandparents & other extended family; outside caregivers like babysitters and nannies and daycare & schools. All ways that the parenting load was shared. Even when mothers tended to stay at home more often, children still had extended families and were expected to Play Outside! So neighbors, church groups, hobbies, sports and other organized activities shared the load. As the old African saying goes: It Takes a Village to Raise a Child!
Parents have become IT... the expectation that they are to do all the cooking, cleaning, sanitizing, entertaining, soothing and all with a smile on their face! This routine has become grating for many! The conversation used to be about “work life balance”. That concept is gone for now! We are working where we live. The transition happened so quickly that many parents did not have a chance to create a more balanced separation with space, activities and responsibilities. So, it becomes important to remind parents that like on the airplane, they need to put their “oxygen masks” on FIRST in order to best tend to others.
While many of us have used this time to cook more and make healthier meals (as our grocery bills can attest!), the return to the convenience of processed foods is tempting. Sleeping the recommended 6-8 hours is often met with loud laughter by many of my parents, especially those with younger children who need more attention and supervision. And yet without sleep, the rest of us will spiral and fast! Moving our bodies in any way that calls you, is important for overall health, but especially our mental health. Activity keeps all the juices flowing, including the brain chemistry that is needed for happiness.
Use a simple body scan. Sit for a moment and notice your body. Start at the top of your head and work your way down. Notice areas of tension, tightness or pain. Do some gentle stretching or flexing combined with slow breathing to help release. Breathing in with the stretch and out with the release can create a gentle rhythm that can reset you.
It is helpful to interrupt stress cycles with moments of calming experiences. Take a moment and tap your feet. Or use acupressure on various points in the hands, fingers & forehead. Or, standing still, roll back on your feet from heel to toes.
While TV, Netflix, alcohol & other assorted substances may be your go-to de-stressor, I encourage you to seek out your support systems. Preferably through phone or video, not so much texting, and curse words and confessions are recommended! Take a “sing-a-long” drive by yourself with all your favorite music. Do a hard work out.
Taking responsibility for when we become too harsh, negative or distracted not only helps us with the Guilty Cycle (the inevitable cycle in parenting that happens when we do “too much” or “too little”. Always judging…), but also helps our kids learn how to distinguish between feelings. It can reset the tone and space for interactions.
Being part of a family is great practice in the Art of Forgiveness as it is the place where we are required to pick up the pieces and move on. As parents, we can help shift the energy to start over after conflict.
Spend some time talking and using physical touch to express how your child is unique and special. This can reinforce the joy of parenting for all involved!
