When a relationship ends—whether it’s with a coworker, friend, or lover—it can be painful. The pain deepens when the relationship ends without both parties understanding the "why." As human beings, we crave understanding, seek answers, and generally dislike surprises, especially those involving being left, cheated on, or somehow excluded from our chosen group. The lack of information can lead to grudges and resentments, which can cloud future interactions with others.

The process of closing the gap of the unknown and gaining perspective on the past is known as closure. Unfortunately, closure is often a missed step when exiting a relationship. Closure isn’t for everyone, as it requires vulnerability. It demands openness, honesty, and kindness in examining the past and deciding to let go of the present. It also requires the willingness to create and maintain physical and emotional distance (no continued following on social media, texting, and definitely no sleeping together!).

Ideally, we would all have clarity and understanding from the other person involved about how and why a relationship ends. However, the reality is that you are in charge of getting closure for yourself. You are responsible for your feelings, and no one can make you feel anything you don’t want or believe. Yet it happens. So, what are some ways to close without conversation?

1. Do Your Own Personal Inventory
   Start with what you can truly control: YOU. What are the lessons learned from this relationship? What role did you play in its ending? Taking an honest look does not mean blaming yourself. It means compassionate reflection.
2. Interpret Their Actions Honestly
   Using blame as your only coping strategy will boomerang. They may have other reasons for not continuing the relationship that you do not know and/or that have nothing to do with you. For example, they may realize they have unfinished business with someone else.
3. Accept That You May Never Get the Answers You Want
   Life is full of mysteries, and other people’s minds and hearts are among the biggest! Coming to terms with the “I don’t know” is part of the healing process.
4. Grieve
   Allow yourself to feel all your feelings, from sad to mad and everything in between. Grieving is a part of the process of letting go. By recognizing and honoring your feelings, you allow them to flow instead of creating blockages.
5. Intentionally Step Into Moving On
   At some point, moving on will be a decision you make for yourself. Shift your focus to what you like, what you want, and what you can create for your future.

Other ideas for letting go of relationships without explanations include writing a thorough letter to that person, sharing all your feelings—the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. (You can decide later what to do with it.) You could also change your environment by moving, painting where you are, or rearranging furniture and purging things that remind you of the past. Most importantly, pursue emotional health: focus on you! If you’re not sure who that is … that’s the place to start!

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