Betrayal is a loss. A loss of the Self. A loss of what we thought was real.

Many emotions happen at once. It’s a tidal wave of feelings. A tidal wave of thoughts. The loss of self tends to encourage our internal critic. She goes wild with the negativity. How could this happen? What did I do wrong? What’s wrong with me? If this resonates, try this to start building your new path after betrayal:

‍Pivot your attention to reflection.

To reset your Self will take some energy...some effort. Yet it is doable. And essential. Re-engaging with your Self, that essence of you that may have been lost for many years can help you to navigate the pain and use it to Heal.

Do a quick personal inventory.

What would be the top 3 changes that you would want to see in yourself? Be specific. Be grounded.

Start a daily list of appreciation.

Betrayal tends to rob us of joy and beauty. Making a daily list of the many simple things that we have around us. Those moments of joy that bring you back to your Self.

Make a weekly play date with yourself.

‍What did you like to do as a child? What and how did you like to play? Play and laughter are songs of the heart. They remind us of our essence. Make an agreement with yourself that you will do something to play once a week at least. Maybe that’s running around in a park. Maybe that’s being silly. Whatever calls to you and whatever is the first thing that comes to your mind.

Sit quietly with yourself.

The Persian poet Rumi said staying quiet allows us to hear more. Sit outside and listen to the various layers of sounds around you. Begin with your breathing. Noticing it’s rhythm. And let your attention move out from there.

These are some simple, meaning uncomplicated ways to begin the return to yourself. Notice that they are all about you and for you. Many of us grew up in families where shaming was a huge part of the family dynamics. Shaming our thoughts, our bodies, our feelings. That tends to create self-doubt and self-destruction. Remember that what is learned can be unlearned. It will be a challenge. It will require willingness. But it’ll be the most rewarding thing you’ll ever do for yourself.

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