Change impacts us. Change changes us. Even the changes that we initiate change and impact us. The process of letting go is a necessary part of living. We see it in the seasons, each season has a beginning, a middle and an end. We see it in the life cycle, from birth through death. We see it in our children, they come into the world, they grow, and they go. We see it in our relationships, the novelty of something or someone new, its maturation and then the passing away of the intensity and sometimes its entirety.  We are impacted by those changes across our 4 continuums: physically, emotionally, cognitively and spiritually. This perpetual state of grieving where we have gains and losses regularly is a part of life.

In relationships where there has been violence or abuse or addiction this state of loss and its companion, sadness are ever present. Even if we don’t recognize it as a loss, those who have been in these types of relationships may be angry and demonstrate aggression. This too is a version of grief.

In relationships that are gentler, there can still be loss. Not just of the partner but also trust, fidelity, identity, etc.

This natural separation process is all around us and it is still painful. Natural and normal, yet painful. Here are 5 tips to thrive in the midst of loss and grief:

1. Think in cycles, not linear. You will feel good, then bad. Happy, then sad. Grief is a series of loops that actually move us forward with time.
2. Be kind to yourself. Be gentle with your words, with your time and with your setting. Give your Internal Critic the pink slip and let your Self be your guide. Rest when your body is tired. Eat and drink healthy to sustain your body as you heal. Create space to sit quietly and breathe. The breath is the essence of life, and we often hold it in during times of stress.
3. All feelings are normal. Feel what you feel when you feel it. The loops are about movement so let them happen. Even when others tell you how you “should” be grieving, breathe and believe that you know your way.
4. Lean into your tribe. Look for the people who fill you, those who bring you joy. Joy can be done in companionable silence as well as in overt excitement. Turn towards your personal community and allow them to soothe and restore you.
5. Plan ahead for “grief triggers”. Emotional hits can blindside us at any time. Anniversaries, holidays and milestones are examples. Using our voice to share our concerns with our tribe can help us put strategies into place to help us bridge the pain. Using your voice allows for community instead of isolation.

All the emotions will be present in this journey, and you will feel them at different points throughout your life journey. Embracing them, acknowledging them out loud and sharing with trusted people can help ease the transition.

If the sadness becomes too much and goes on for too long, go to your tribe. Ask for help. Allow yourself to be guided towards other help. Restoration happens within community.